Anxiety

I'm having a really bad anxiety fit right now. 

I'm trying not to cry. 
My throat is aching and tense. 
My stomach is clenching and twisting. 
I think I might vomit. 
I can feel my eyes burning. 
My heart beat is racing. 

I'm so lonely. 
I'm surrounded by people who don't know or care at all about me. 
I just want to run away. 
I think I'm running away. 

I'm leaving this house. 

If they don't care about me now then they don't have a right to care about me when I disappear. 

**Update**

So, I need to explain what happened. 

My cousins are really toxic, and I've had to be in constant forced contact with them, and if you've been around for a while, you know my anxiety has been on high lately just to begin with. Well, they invited a guy over to the beach house we've been staying at, a guy whom I've told my family that I am absolutely not comfortable being around. I've fully explained why I'm not comfortable around him, and they still invited him over last night. This just sort of pushed me over my limit until I found myself writing that journal. 

I didn't end up walking out of the house, my little brother and his girlfriend both found my hiding place and came to spend time with me and support me. Eventually the three of us just fell asleep. 

The next morning, my Aunt Tracey, who is also my God-Mother, brought me my favorite doughnuts because she remembered that I don't like crumb cake and that's what we were having for breakfast. She's the only person who 1. Remembered what my favorite doughnut is and 2. Actually thought to get me something else because I don't like what everyone else likes. She also apologized profusely for my cousins inviting that guy over and promised she wouldn't let him over here while I'm in town. It's not that she's the only one who cares, I was just really touched by her doing something small just to show she cares. The little things really aren't little. The little things are everything.

Just, for any of my followers who also suffer from anxiety, please don't run away like I was planning to do. It's so freaking dangerous. I'm so unbelievably thankful that my brother and his girlfriend came and stopped me. I really could have gotten myself into danger/trouble. Please, don't run off without letting people know where you're going.